Another Mothers Day came and went yesterday. At 34, I’ve now spent as many holidays with my mother as I have without.
At times I wonder if it’s healthy for me to still feel the way I do all this time later. I mean when people say you “get over it in time” what are they talking about? I can only imagine they mean “you’ll stop crying so much in time” or “you’ll be able to breath without feeling like a vice grip is locked around your chest in time”. Because what else could they mean? I’ll never not miss my mom. I’ll never have a day go by where she won’t cross my mind. I’ll always want to tell my stories about her.
Not that long ago, I was talking to my 90+ year old grandma and she told me sometimes things happen in life you’ll never get over. That’s advice that actually makes sense. My heart might not feel like it’s bleeding out on a daily basis anymore, but the loss is always with me. It was my mom.
I could try a million times to write something that expresses just how special she was but nothing will ever say it quite as well as something my friend told me shortly after she died. He told me he understood why it hurt so much for me. That as much as he loved his own mom, my mom was a good mom. And I’ll never forget that. For someone who wasn’t even her own kid to be able to see that the love my mom gave went beyond the ordinary was shocking in the best way. People don’t just go around propping other moms up over their own. It validated what I always thought and proved to me that I wasn’t just telling myself stories or giving my mom sainthood because that’s what everyone does when someone passes away. People that didn’t even live our love could see it.
I was lucky. I could have been born to anyone but I got my mom. Only two other people on the planet know exactly what that means. Others could see from a distance, but nobody that has or will ever walk this earth will get to experience what it felt like to have our mom as their own. Matt, Lauren, think about that the next time mom pops in your head. In a world full of bad, mediocre, good and great moms, we had ours. And we had the best.