Welcome to the Suck

Over the past few months I’ve found myself reading biographies on people that lived well before modern times. One of the things that struck me as particularly interesting was the way writers went about gathering information on their subjects. There were no TV interviews to watch, no documents left behind on the internet, and no living relatives to interview. The best way to learn about the subjects was through the letters they left behind.

Because fame is right around the corner for me and biographies on my life will be in great demand 100 years from now, I thought that leaving behind a trail of letters (digital though they may be) sounded like a great idea. In my opinion, letters are the most illuminating form of communication we have and the idea of experimenting with that was too intriguing to pass over. My younger sister, Lauren, will be participating in an ongoing letter share with me. Where it goes and what we learn about one another I have no idea. Follow along and find out with us.

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Douglas,

Welcome to the suck. We’re only 4 days into the deployment and this sucks more than anything has ever sucked before. I’m ready for my routine to kick in and just get on with it. Other than a few tears at bedtime, the kids are doing fine. They both got to talk to Jonathan last night which helped them both fall asleep a little faster. I told Jonathan last night, I don’t need any more proof on how much I love him. I wouldn’t do this for anybody else on the planet. I’m a proud wife.

Last night while trying to cheer myself up, I kept thinking about things that make me happy. Sitting on Gram Janet’s back porch swing and looking at her flowers. Hearing mom laugh while she was watching Saturday Night Live. Walking down Wilson Avenue when it was pouring down rain, right where the curb and the sidewalk meet, and feeling the rain rush through my toes. Walks with Pappy Glenn. Aunt Jaye answering every phone call during Jonathan’s first deployment and talking me through it. Aunt Jaye letting me visit her every chance I could. Gram Janet’s hugs. Pappy Polo always making me laugh. Gram B teaching me how to drive. Laughing with Leah. Loving Deana and Amy like they’re my own sisters. Watching Deana and Amy love you and Matt. Few things are better than knowing your brothers are happy and taken care of. Emma’s laugh. Dad. He still takes care of me and he loves my kids like no one else. Nolan’s never ending conversations and questions. Living in the house that mom loved so much. My friends. One friend sent me flowers on Saturday, another dropped everything and brought over a big bottle of wine and just sat with me after the deployment ceremony. True friends are hard to find. I’m grateful for the friendships I do have. Nolan’s nuzzles…he rubs his nose against me like a dinosaur would love its mama and I melt. Emma’s ability to make me laugh at the drop of a dime. The relationship I have with my in-laws. They are loud and crazy but I laugh hard when they are around. They’ve accepted me and love me like their own. They helped shape Jonathan into the man he has become. Childhood memories with you and Matt. GrGr’s advice. Being married to Jonathan. He does everything and anything to make me happy. He’s never told me no. He makes me feel beautiful. I’m glad one phone call changed my life and ended up with me being married to him. As cliché as it sounds, he’s my soulmate and best friend.

What makes you happy? I could go on and on but this is a blog. I fell asleep happy last night wrapped up in thoughts of an amazing childhood and the love of an incredible family.

I didn’t know where I was going to go with this letter. I didn’t even want to write it, to be honest. Yesterday I felt like I was being swallowed by sadness. But there’s truth in the saying that you have to choose to be happy. Jonathan has enough on his mind. He needs to focus on his mission at hand and not worry about how I’m handling things back home. He’s doing what he’s doing for me and the kids. How lucky am I to have someone as selfless as Jonathan? So today, I’m choosing to remember everything that makes my life so amazing. I will find happiness in the simple mundane things in life. Hearing my favorite song of the radio, a text that simply says “I love you” from the greatest guy on earth, hearing my kids belly laugh, my clean bathroom, and a good night’s sleep. I feel better already.

I love you,

Lauren

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